The Woes of a Slytherin Sex God
by Hello Witty
Summary: Draco Malfoy's confidence as Slytherin Sex God is wavering. Going around the castle with girls saying and practically singing some other guy's name isn't healthy for him at all. Draco/Hermione.


**The Woes of a Slytherin Sex God**

'Alejandro.'

Draco scowled as he strode past a group of Ravenclaw girls who were practically singing some 'Alejandro' fellow's name. That name, he thought angrily, was something he'd heard on a regular basis lately. He'd been hearing girls from every house talking about him, most of them singing to his name – this Alejandro guy's – and what bugged him even more all he could hear was the name, as if there were no other words to the song, and occasionally someone would go, "Ale-Alejandro, Ale-Alejandro!" with so much enthusiasm, even though he thought – and they probably knew – they were off-key.

He muttered, cursed, and occasionally snapped at a random first year that was unfortunate enough to be where he or she was at the moment, when he got to the end of the corridor which led to the Head's Dormitory, and raised his arms up in exasperation. Who the bloody hell was this Alejandro person! He was Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin Sex God, yet no one ever sung anything along the lines of, "Draco, D-D-D-Draco!"

He rolled his eyes.

"What's wrong, Mr. Malfoy?" Eros – the guy on the painting that led into the dormitory, commonly known as Cupid – asked the obviously fuming Draco. Draco's fist met the wall beside the painting, earning a sharp gasp from both Eros and Psyche – Psyche being on the painting for she was Eros' lover.

"I don't get it!" Draco wailed. "Who is this Alejandro person?"

"The one every girl on campus is singing about?" Psyche inquired.

"Yes, that one!" Draco exclaimed, stomping around in a circle in front of Eros and Psyche.

"I heard he was very handsome," Psyche said, dreamily. "I'd like to see or meet him sometime." She said, with a wink.

"Now, now Psyche." Eros says, with this constipated looking smile. Draco took it as a sign that Eros' jealous anger was acting up again. Yeah, that wasn't a good thing. Psyche laughed. "My love," She says. "You are most adorable when you're jealous!"

Draco made a loud, "urrrgh," sound, rolled his eyes, and said, "Felix Felicis!" which was the password to the Dorm.

The painting swung open, and Draco could hear a sigh from Psyche as he entered.

'Oh, go get a room.' Draco thought miserably, as he rolled his eyes and threw himself onto the sofa. He had almost fallen asleep, when he heard the faint sound of a stringed instrument being played somewhere in the dorm. Curious, he got up and looked around the room, but he knew the sound couldn't have came from the common room, as he was there and no one was anywhere near him. He went up the stairs – to where the rooms were, and noticed that the sound was getting louder as he went.

He got to the Head Girl's door, and he noticed that it was coming from in there. The door was open slightly, and he could see that the instrument being used as the 'guitar', as they – the Muggles – called it, was playing. They had learned about it in Muggle Studies before, and some people in the choir practice with them. He would know, it was annoying going anywhere near the music room at night as he was doing his rounds, hearing loud noise over there when the rest of the castle was quiet.

The playing was rather choppy at first – he guessed because the song probably just started or was ending. He listened, out of curiosity. Whoever was playing right now was a pretty decent player, however he was annoyed at how many times the word (or sound) 'oh' was used in the entire intro – or whatever this was.

_She's got both hands_

_In her pockets,_

_But she won't look at you, won't look at you._

_And she hides true love, en su bolsillio, _

_She's got a halo 'round her finger around you._

_You know that I love you boy, _

_Hot like Mexico rejoice._

_At this time I've got to choose,_

_Nothing to lose._

_Don't call my name; don't call my name, Alejandro._

_I'm not your babe; I'm not your babe, Fernando._

_Don't wanna kiss; don't wanna touch, just smoke my cigarette – hush. _

_Don't call my name; don't call my name, Roberto. _

_Alejandro, Alejandro._

_Ale-Alejandro, Ale-Alejandro._

The voice was sweet, a girl's voice and very nice; however Draco couldn't take it anymore, he opened the door, the voice stopped, and he took it as a cue to start talking.

"Who the bloody hell is this Alejandro person?" He said in a loud voice, and he looked at the very startled Head Girl, and then proceeded to rub the back of his neck. "Oh. Hermione. I didn't know you could play guitar. I thought you had friends over. Was that you singing as well?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What, Draco Malfoy thinks I can't sing?" She said with a smirk. Sometimes, Draco hated the monster he'd created. The sly, more confident, apparently very Slytherin Hermione he'd created.

"No…" Draco trailed off. Then he remembered that that wasn't supposed to be the point. "Who the bloody hell is this Alejandro? God even my girlfriend is singing to his name! Is he really that good in bed?"

Hermione's eyes were wide open, she stared at Draco for a moment; stared like he'd grown another head, and then she started laughing hysterically. Draco stared at her. Draco didn't recall ever seeing her laughing so much. "What's so funny?" Draco asked, voice raised, slightly embarrassed.

"You are." Hermione said, in between laughs, and then proceeded to laughing a lot more. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Would you stop laughing for two seconds and tell me why?" he said, flashing a smile that made him look constipated and Hermione listen.

"Because, Draco," Hermione started trying desperately not to laugh. "The Alejandro you hate so much," a snort, "Isn't even a real person." She said, laughing again.

"Not even a real person?" Draco said in astonishment.

"Alejandro is really just a song." Hermione said, laughing even more. "By a Muggle performer."

Draco looked like he'd just been kicked in the head and couldn't do anything about it. All this time, he'd been jealous of a fictional guy from a Muggle performer's song. But then, that meant he was still the Slytherin Sex God and was still Hogwarts' best shag! Hah! In their faces – all those dolts that thought Draco Malfoy had fallen from grace! Hah!

He took a glance at his still laughing girlfriend, and with his newly regained confidence, walked up to her bed, pulled her up, and while she was still looking confused, lowered his lips down to hers.

"So, am I still the Slytherin Sex God?" he asked, flashing his trademark smirk.

"And so much more, love." She said, and with that, Draco's lips crashed down on hers again.

* * *

OK, I actually really didn't think this one through and just wrote like all hell broke loose because I didn't want the idea to leave me. The song is Alejandro by Lady GaGa. I do not own. Reviews inspire me. ;)

- Reese.


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